The other half of the story...

“You’re Next,” what a film.

Rate it: 60%

Well, talk about hilarity. If you like SyFy movies and B horror movies which are in their own respect “good,” you may enjoy parts of this. The ending is where they seem to have just completely given up. It seems the script style is completely different, as well as the filming. They may have intentionally done that? I don’t know. But it’s does a 180 and becomes unintentionally (I think) hilarious.

So, what aspects of this movie make it good? Well, from the very few reasons, one is that it’s modern, so it’s filmed in high definition. Two, if you like browsing the web or reading while having something in the background you don’t have to fully pay attention to, this is one of those movies. You can still understand what’s going on. The plot: a rich family gets together in their vacation home in the mountains and mysterious masked murderers begin killing everybody for no apparent reason.


We’ve seen this before, yes, we have. This anecdote is common so maybe we’re just numb to it now. The first few murders are great, so overplayed and dramatic they’ll make you laugh. A great example is ¬†once everybody starts freaking out, one of the young girls decides to volunteer to run to the car to go for help. To make sure she reaches the car, the idea is that she get a big running start and head out the door already at a full sprint so they can’t shoot her…using a bow and arrow. Yes, a bow and arrow. Hipster murderers exist, too.

Arrow to forehead.

Arrow to forehead. Poor guy. Image Credit:

Two other people volunteer to open the door just as she reaches them so they wouldn’t expect her. Wrong. Apparently they knew somebody would leave sprinting full force and had tied sharp barbed wire at exactly her neck’s height. Needless to say, she pretty much killed herself, idiot. She was flung back inside with her head almost off. That was pretty funny. Who could have guessed somebody would be sprinting out the door already at 100% speed? Nobody. The answer is nobody. Plus, the wire seemed pretty visible to me.

Anyhow, the best part is the ending-ish. When one of the girlfriends, an Australian chick raised on a self-survival farm, or something insane, has had enough and kills 2 of the murderers in spectacular (culinary) fashion. She uses a knife, and a blender (~2:20), Iron chef style. You guys will love it.

She breaks the blender and stabs the top of a guy’s head with it, goes, plugs it in, and turns it on. Brain smoothie. She then takes a knife and just stabs right through the top of a chicks dome piece, perfectly centered. Never been done before. Head skewer, anyone?

Just for good measure. Image Credit: Snapchat still of You're Next on SyFy.

Just for good measure. Image Credit: Snapchat still of You’re Next on SyFy.

I’ll cut it short. As we could have expected, turns out two brothers from the family were involved all along. Why? Money. Obviously money. What has become of us as a society when script writers have to have people kill their family and loved ones for money? I digress. Anyway, the Australian chick was 1 of the evil brother’s boyfriend and isn’t having any of it. This is when the dialogue gets absolutely ridiculous. Her “boyfriend” tries to convince her to go with him and take the money, after he tried to have everybody murdered, her inclusive. She’s respectful, listens for a min, then she just ends him. Ice pick to jugular? Check. Ice pick through eye and into skull? Check. Saving the day? Check. Cops finally arriving? Check. Getting shot by said cop after having saved the day? Check.

We have no idea what becomes of the Australian as the movie cuts to black.


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